Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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