omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
