so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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