oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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