I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
