Cold hands, warm shart.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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