If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
