He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
