if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
