if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Houston, we have a squirter
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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