first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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