hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
