We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
