No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
