I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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