I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
