obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
