I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
