Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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