:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
