R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
