I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
