yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
