He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pants are for mortals
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
