Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
