fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
