Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
