Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
