he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
