i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
