I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
