I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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