I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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