found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
