he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was born a porn star she said
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is wine microwaveable?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
