Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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