i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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