i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
