Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
