I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
