Who did Billy Mays play for?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
