Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
