Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
