god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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