i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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