what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
