she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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