So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
