i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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