The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
