it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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