I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
