Well apparently he's into motor boating.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
