Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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